CAN I TALK TO YOU, NOT JUST NOW BUT FOREVER?

I have a friend by the name of Mbalenhle Mkhize, who has been my friend since the age of 5.  We went to pre-school together at Sea View Primary School and is still my close friend till this day.  Yes,we might not communicate on a daily and our lives have changed throughout the years which i feel contributes to the way we interact now rather than back in the day.

We have had our fair share of fun and difficult times together and i have loved every single moment of it.  The days when we still use to climb up trees to get a few mangoes lol, then the growing up stages where a person starts developing feelings for boys and gets over the "playing soccer in the park" days.

We have had our share of not communicating at all, then we'd start talking again and things go back to normal.  If there is one friend that i would love to have around me for the rest of my life it is her.  We both understand that there are circumstances that do drift us apart but we accept them and try make it work no matter how severe they may be.

I remember once in primary school, we disagreed about something and decide to have a 'physical' fight.  That turned out to be a very bad idea as we both were bruised and resorted in sorted issues out verbally.  That turned out to be the wisest decision we ever made as there have been a number of misunderstandings in our lifetime. 

When she was expecting her baby and was in labour, i remember that insane drive i had with her on her way to hospital.  i spent a few hours with her, checking up if she's is doing alright but eventually had to go.  When she did have her baby i got the phonecall and was the happiest friend in the world.

An ocean of memories are left  behind us and we both know that wherever life takes us and throws at us we are still partners for life and that will never change.

OUR DIFFERENCES CREATE US

By Yolanda Mabanga

In order for a circle of friends to ever work out it takes a room full of different personalities.  Lol, yeah yeah yea i am forever repeating that line but imagine if everyone in the circle was quiet or all of them were loud, it just wouldnt make sense. It honestly boils down to the functioning and reasoning of our social dynamics.   It would never make sense to have the exact same preferences and behaviour and for this reason, some individuals need to be flamboyant and charismatic and the others sit and be entertained from all of this.

For instance with my close friend and I, we are different beings.  She is very loud while I am a quiet.  Yes this does work when we are together because she will have enough to say for the both of us but at other times, she can get to my very last nerve for having this trait, to the point where I choose to keep to myself.  I feel that this is perfectly heathly and normal for any form of relationship to function.

When i wake up in the morning, because she knows me so well and has been in my life for several years, she can tell when I am not in the mood to listen or entertain her.  It could be that or maybe im just not a morning person but either way, haha.  I completely appreciate her distance in our friendship as much as i appreciate her nosy nature.  It forms part of her complete package and to me that is priceless.

IT IS BECAUSE I CARE

By Yolanda Mabanga

There is a saying that states that sometimes you have to just be cruel to be kind.  I fully understand what it means although some of my friends dont.  There have been a number of times, even from my own parents, i witnessed that being harsh was the only means to portray their kindness and get across.  I have friends who have also told me things that are not pleasing to the ear but they need to be heard because they care.

Wow, I cannot even begin to share where this has come into play in my life.  Most of the time it would be because I am crazy about a guy only to be told that that guy is not good for me.  Ofcourse it is not something you would want to hear when everything is still going great but when it does eventually turn out to be a mistake that is when the horrible advice comes back into play.

I have definitely share harsh words of my own but it really is because i care.  Only close family and friends know when it sincerely comes from the heart. I know that life isn't full of roses and waking up to sunshine everyday which is why relationships arent going to be a bed of roses either.  It is only natural to withstand the rain just as much as you appreciate the sunshine.

ARE WE SET FOR LIFE?

By Yolanda Mabanga

I am a big fan of modelling. I hope to continue with it in the future and hope that my circle of friends from the modelling industry grow more into the business as well.  I have made some very beautiful friends, on the inside and out, and have loved sharing this experince with them.  Understanding that it might not work for everyone, including myself, I still wish to keep those friends in my life and grow with them over the years.

I want us to be able to sit with our children and share our modelling experiences with them along with the endless photos of memories that we have of our youth.  I absolutely loved the different themes, pageants, photoshoots and shows.  Every experience was magical in its own right and the friends I have made from them has been phenomenal.

I wouldnt know where to start and say thank you to my parents for introducing me into this field and how it has helped shape me along with my companions. It has been an awesome journey in the past and I do wish that we can continue with it even if its still just as a hobby. One can learn alot from it and definitely make and keeep long life friends from it.

HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN MY LIFE FOR?

By Yolanda Mabanga

There is nothing more hurtful than finding a friend that you click so well with but only to find that your friendship is only for a limited time.  It is not because it is the way you planned it but rather because life throws you different aspects of which draws you apart. I can say that i have run into a few good, genuine people.  People i believed would have a made a profound difference in my life.  I believe the same would have applied from their side.

It is sad to know that such people only have a certain time to show their love and friendship for you.  I find it so sad when that journey has to come to an end.  I acknowledge that there is a time and place for everything and there should be no need to force issues.  Nature does take its course and bring those people back into the picture again but it should not be forced if it doesnt, especially if life emphasizes the different directions it has for you.

All one can do is keep in touch, check up on the person from time and time and hope for the best for them as they would for you.

WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT??

By Yolanda Mabanga

Birthdays have to be the most amazing time to share with friends as you know that with every year, they are ready to do something crazy.  The occasions and situations i have run into are an absolute pleasure and defintiely starts dating back to when my friends and I turned 18.  The mere fact that we were licensed to drive paved way for a multitude of insane scenarios. Dating to random drives to the beach at unusual times of the morning to an amazing trip to London as a birthday gift.  Yes, I have very thoughtful friends.

The birthday parties i have been to have been out of this world, from pool parties to formal dinners and scary camp trips.  When a friends birthday party comes up, one needs to know that something out of the ordinary is going to explode.  One can never get tired of the retarded things a friend can do, especially when it is his/her birthday and you definitely cannot deny that you can share a story or two about what a friend did during their birthday party.

This ultimately brings me to my bottom line? Whose birthday is it and what is the plan?? Hahaha

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS....UHMMM

By Yolanda Mabanga

As long as the female species exist and are bombarded by what the world calls "emotions", the whole idea of having friends with benefits is just never going to work, especially if the person is a close friend.  Females were not designed to suppress or control their emotions, hence why we are so loud, emotional, gossiping beings.  There is only a certain timeframe for such relationships and are indeed like that of a ticking timebomb. 

What is even worse than having a friend with benefits is "hooking" your girlfriend up with your brother.  These love-social gestures have never worked and are still not to work for anyone attempting to pursue them in the future.  I have a friend who hooked up her brother with another friend of mine and whilst in the process i voiced out my opinion and told them that it will never work.  Being indenial beings they convinced themselves and I that it is definitely going to work out. A few weeks later, not months...weeks, they have already spread rumours, having middlemen and even spend days without talking to each other all because the friend doesnt want her in her brothers life anymore.

It is another story in the book of life of how friends that link on a more sexual personal level has failed.   It is not to say that starting out as friends and deciding to be in a relationship is not going to work, that part is fine.  People get happily married to thier lifelong friends and have never looked back.  I am talking about individuals who try keep the friendship going, keep it casual and suppress feelings and think that it will work out for the best.  That story has hardly worked out, only in the movies. If this ideology is wrong you are more than welcome to try it out and see how far it takes you, by all means.

JUST KEEP ME HAPPY

By Yolanda Mabanga

I may not be perfect, i definitely know that i am full of flaws.  I may not have the ideal lifestyle, shoe, cellphone or body for that matter but i know how to make a good friendship and all i ask is for your genuiness. Nothing in the world beats that and that will definitely keep me happy.

If I return the favour i know that it will also keep you happy, so lets just be happy LOL. We both understand that not everyday is going to be a good day.  There are times where i will get on your nerves and so will I. It happens, its called LIFE but as the days unfold can i know that you are still genuinely in this with me because you care and you want to be there, just as i am for you.

It is not everyday these relationships form so lets just be sincere about it and i swear that we will go a long way. Nothing in this world comes easy, that is why i appreciate your existence as you do mine.  If we establish all these things from the start then watch us grow happily together with this friendship of ours :)

YOU CAN NEVER KNOW A PERSON TOO WELL

By Yolanda Mabanga

I have a friend that i was close to in high school.  She was very open and told me about the things that were going on in her life.  She was a bundle of joy and a very happy and cheerful person.  What i didnt know is that there were issues about her that she kept bottle inside and with the face mask she put on everyday, one would have never said that she was troubled.

Today is October and she is no more.  It was only after her passing that i was told that she had drug abuse problems and has even been in rehab because of it.  I can say that it is also my fault has i tend to turn a blind eye and just focus on the good side of things.  I would have never guessed that she was going through things.

It was very emotional for me to find out about her passing and finding out the real reason why but i have found peace.  If i could turn back the hands of time, I know for a fact that i would have done things differently.  I regret that part but i accept the fact that i cannot change it. I believe that God really does allow things to happen for a reason and i know that she is in a happier place sharing her cheerful personalities with the angels.  I thank God for having shared a section of my life with her and given the privilege to be close to her. 

COMMUNICATE MORE

By Yolanda Mabanga

My best friends are my moms.  I have been able to open up to them about things i am sure i would never tell any one else about.  It is fulfilling and definitely sentimental to know that you can have this special bond with your parents (and by parents i mean my mom, aunt and grandmothers)

It builds the relationship more and creates a whole world of memories.  I have been blessed with a beautiful family and i appreciate their role in my life every single day.  I have come to know that not everyone is going to be there for you so its best to focus on the people in your live that also acknowledge you as the most important in theirs.  The returning of such favours is priceless and makes life definitely worthwhile.  I am forever grateful about the close bond that i have with my girls and am yet to appreciate more of the memories that we are going to create.

HOW TO DEAL WITH BETRAYAL

One thing is for sure, you are not going to come across the perfect friends.  Infact, there will be a number of altercations, disagreements even betrayal that you are bound to find yourself in.  Trust is a big and it takes two people to create that form of solid relationship.  These things dont only make you stronger but builds the relationship further if both allow it.

I have come across a number of failed friendships that took a hard knock and where unable to survive after that, other than that they become enemies. Those kind of relationships have never been unhealthy but they do happen.  When you think you know someone only to find that there is a side to them that has been hidden over the years and is ready to be unleashed. A side to them that is shocking to you and especially to the people who have been around and watched the friendship grow.

When it comes to dealing with issues of such nature the best thing  to do is pray about it and ask for guidance.  Noone ever plans to be in a relationship with someone only to be their enemy towards the end.  Issues such as jealousy play role and drift people apart.  That is why it is essential to include prayer with every relationship as it is said to love your neighbour just as you love yourself.  It is the best recipe.

DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW YOUR FRIENDS

By Yolanda Mabanga

They say that to define a person you need to take a look at the company they keep.  In other words you need to know their friends.  This has always been a saying that proves to justify a persons identity and has proven to be a true fact throughout the years.

I feel, therefore, that it is important for parents to know who their child/ren's best friend is. As a person you eventually learn methods of behaviour and habits from the people you spend most of your time with and parents know their child best as to whether they fit that other persons description or not.  At times you find that you and your friend think you know each other and are accepting of one anothers flaws and habits, only to find that it is going to be the reason for an overrall altercation in the end. 

If your parents are familiar with your friend, they can tell you first-hand if that person will be good for you in the long run or not. Parents do tend to be right so there is no need to underestimate their judgement, even if you are growing and maturing with age. Those are one of the many benefits of having them around. One should make use and acknowledge that while you still can.

IDENTITY CRISIS

By Yolanda Mabanga

College can have a major influence in the shaping of one’s identity.  Higher education comes with a number of factors an individual has to face.  These include independence, freedom and self-awareness.  Drifting away from high school life and family, from long-term friends to solidarity amongst strangers can give pressure to a student in various aspects.

“There is no better time to establish yourself than in college, you are bombarded with so much variety and confusion that you have to find a more comfortable you in the situation,” states Sakhile Ndlazi, a third year journalism student.

Ndlazi understands that when you do first enter this world of college, gullibility and shifting of conformation will be the inevitable but consoles one with the fact that after a maximum of two years, you would have found your ideal identity.

“Establishing this identity does mean that you will make a number of mistakes, you will be pressured to change a few times but that all forms part of the growing phase.  You really are just an individual between adolescence and adulthood,” explains Ndlazi.

Once certain of your identity there is nothing more fulfilling.  Having the ability to identify yourself and existence amongst peers is a sure sign of further maturity and individuality.

“I believe that I have found myself and I am ready to face the world outside college.  My experience here has been absolutely amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world,” says Ndlazi

IT IS A MESSY AFFAIR

By Yolanda Mabanga

Relationships in college can be really tricky to keep afloat, especially with the mentality one adapts in terms of independence, being away from home for the first time, and given a platform to exercise your freedom. Learning to understand who you are and finding your perfect circle of friends can have a huge impact in shaping your ideal partner and understanding your place in their lives.

Adjusting to the social scene and at the same time keep your academic life balanced is confusing when just starting out in college.  Now having to include sustaining an intimate relationship in the process can be considered a bit of a challenge.  Fortunately, it is not a necessity to be in a relationship.  Observations have proven to be that the relationships witnessed have been unsuccessful due to a number of circumstances.

In college these circumstances include partying, balancing friends, studying and maintaing ones self without parents being there to overlook that. Forcing relationships has never worked out, when people are meant to be together it should flow. The best relationships started as individuals being friends, having that chance to have grown and understood each other over the years.  I believe that these things do take time and should never be rushed.

PLEASURE IS YOURS

Having several guy friends in your clique can be awesome.  There is definitely a number of things that you can get away with because of the mere fact that you are a girl.  Let me not even mention how honest and direct they can be.  If one of them are not into something or find it unacceptable they are definitely not one to keep it to themselves.  Other than that there will be a group discussion about it.

There have been a few of those occasions where things have been said and done out of line but in time, they got sorted and were forgive that moment.  I appreciate the fact that guys dont hold grudges over minor things.  They really do let it go and focus on the next chapter which is something i feel as human beings we should all learn to do.  Girls on the other hand, well most of them, do act like they have forgiven you but still continue to hold a grudge.

This draws a very intense line between guys and girls and divides us to the extremes.  This is probably why we girls have so much to say while they choose to listen.  It revolves around issues of the past that are constantly bought up time after time. Although our differences are obvious, i still enjoy boy company more and that is just how the story goes.  

FLOW WITH IT

By Yolanda  Mabanga

With friends there are certain personalities, characters and even episodes that are just not going to click with you.  It is for this reason tolerance remains the order of the day.  Some remain in the clique because they favour certain friends more than the other or simple issues of detaching or finding new friends altogether.

This is an absolute norm in any relationship.  The bottom line will always be if they are worth your time or not.  If they are, then definitely find means to accomodate and accept each other as is.  If not then try to find means of bringing the topic up, your issues and finding out what the clique has to say about it. There is nothing worse than spending your days with "so-called" friends and not being able to be yourself, hindered by other personalities, personally i feel that that is a life less spent.  What is the point of spending your time with individuals that hold you back even if it is just a little. Life is too short for that and freedom of expression is essential for communication.

Learning to speak your mind, in an accomodating manner, and having input when necessary will change a number of things as far as your existence towards others is concerned.  Its best to try speak you mind and also accomodate if you still identity with your mates, to just naturally flow in tune with them.

THICK SKIN

By Yolanda Mabanga

Being a part of a clique can be very frustrating.  There will be times where people are going to insinuate talks about you or hint something to others that will be pleasing to you.  The only way to overcome these situations is having thick skin and approaching them head on.  Doing this requires direct confrontation which has never been easy for anyone, doesnt matter how close that person is to you.  It is these confrontation that create bitterness between you and your friends at times which is what people avoid in the first place. 

Noone has ever suggested what a perfect friendship is like and for that reason quarrels are going to occur.  It take a set of mature folks to understand that there will be happy and bad times in a relationship and not everything is going to be fun and games.  I have had a fair share of arguments and cussing with my friends but we have all established that when we do it we do it out of love and nothing else.

Yes it could happen that people fall asleep angry but carrying a grudge till the next day has never been advisable.  Love gives any human being the ability to forgive and learn from your mistakes (as far as treating the next person is concerned).  It is all a matter of tolerance and it doesnt come easy. 

EXPERIENCE WITH THE OUTDOORS

By Yolanda Mabanga

The weather outside is so inviting, especially in the afternoon where you get to watch the sunset.  With summer right outside our window experinecing the outdoors with friends has never been so inviting. The last time i went camping with friends was back in high school and i  enjoyed every minute of it.  It was so refreshing taking the time out to be in the open and is worth doing so again.

These holidays i will definitely influence my friends to think about going back outside into the wild and being one with nature.  Ofcourse with a mosquito repellant else it just wouldnt work LOL.  Somewhere close to the mountains where the grass is high and green and preferable a river flowing around the corner.  That would just be an experience and a half. 

A camp fire for outdoor ambience and maybe a few wildlife animals (behind fences) for the full effect.  This will definitely go into my book of memorale occassions and there are no better people to make it even more memorable than close friends.  Doing the ordinary of being indoors and share laughs is awesome but at the same time can be overrated.  With the sun setting late into the day, i can imagine the atmosphere of being in this different surrounding and find it so exciting.  It is definitely going down in my book of things TO DO these holidays.

KEEP YOUR CIRCLE SMALL

By Yolanda Mabanga

There is nothing more precious than keeping a small, close knit circle of friends.  Knowing that you know each other, the idea that you are able to appreciate each others flaws and that contentment and ablility to know that you can turn to each for any given situation is incredible.  That form or relationship cannot be compared to another.  It makes everything around make sense and gives you the ability to face each day with joy.  I understand why it is so hard for an already developed or formed group have to introduce a new member and how harder it is to let one go.   Things dont tend to be the same after that has happened and can be frustrating adjusting to that change after feeling so comfortable.

Unfortunately it doest tend to happen and the best thing to do about is to just appreciate each other as is.  There is no way of changing circumstances but rather acknowledge what you already have.  Life throws all sorts of challenges at us and in order to cope and function it has always been recommended to keep a small circle of friends.

Being friends with a big clique can be difficult to maintain.  A number of factors can hinder the progress of that relationsip with more people involved and forms of communication will be difficult from all angles.  So rather stick to who or what you know and you will definitely be alright. It is those small people that actually turn out to be the most valuable and sentimental people you will ever find. 

SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST

The exceptional moments always happen at that last or unplanned minute.  Thats why i believe that there are times where not planning with friends but just coming up with something to do at last minute is always going to be one of those moments that are not going to be forgotten easily.  I have witnessed a number of those moments shared and they still remain the most memorable topics to date.  It is not to say that planned moments go forgotten but at times planning to much to the very last detail and land up disappointment due to unfulfilled aspects.

I have had a time where a very boring morning would arise and by the time the evening came i would be having the time of my life with my friends.  Those moments for me have always been moments that i choose to cherish forever and ever.  With my friends as well, when it comes to bringing up moments that made it all worth while they never forget to bring up at any given chance.   I am a big fan of the unplanned as i have had a number of occassions where exceptional moments were experienced and i continue to rather go casually with a day spent with my friends without having planned anything and see where the day takes us.

The exception though comes when it is birthdays. I have had a number of occassions where i didnt plan my day in hopes that it runs prosperously like any other unplanned day only to find that i have the most ordinary day of my life.  Now, that can be the exception otherwise a day unplanned is always a day of fun.  With the right people that very last unexpected moment can turn out to be one that will definitely never be forgotten.

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

The holidays are coming up and now is a good time to interact with your friends, venture out into the world and explore a few spots around the country.  With all the pressure that comes from exams and staying up late for study sessions, it only makes sense to unwind and explore different scenerys with close friends.

the first and most obvious place I would recommend is Durban, also known as South Africa's playground.  The atmosphere there is indescribable and definitely worth trying out.  There are a few places within Durban that are worth stopping at such as Suncoast Casino and Ushaka Marine World.  The two places are close to the beach which gives friends an opportunity to get wet.  The weather is exceptional and inviting one will not refrain from entertaining the ocean breeze.

After that the perfect chill out spot for the night life is on Florida road.  With its open ambiance and chilled surroundings, one can definitely enjoy a few drinks while chatting up a convo with friends.  Call it being biased seeing as it is my hometown but it is definitely one of the country's most loved holiday spots. Every vacation i have had there has been memorable and I would never hesitate to head back there.

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GRASP IT OR WALK AWAY

By Yolanda Mabanga

Ok, we can all agree that we have at least one friend who oozes sarcasm to the point of no return.  You can be in a room full of people, locked up with a variety of personalities, but the ability to differentiate is still there. That guy!!

So I have a friend like that and boy do I love his personality.  He doesn’t even try too hard, it’s either you grasp it (his impeccable ability to exaggerate the ironic) or you don’t.  He makes it seem so effortless and to be honest if you mind frame is not in tune with his, then you and the rest of the world are stupid.

I wish I had this exceptional trait.  I don’t think I’d even wonder how the world would feel if they weren’t clicking with me, let alone care.  That advanced sarcasm, that sarcasm that gets you so in tune with yourself that to some extent, you do look stupid to everyone else, hahaha.

A circle isn’t a complete circle without these people.  They really do add colour to civilisation and society would be high and dry without them.  I believe it is true what they say, the higher the level of sarcasm the more intelligent that person is.  I advise you keep those people close to you, you bound to learn a thing or two from them.  I certainly have and feel drawn to them. Besides the awesome friendship shared with them the humour is also out of this world.   

To my friend Fausty, you are a phenomenal character and conversation wouldn’t flow the way it would if you weren’t a part of it.  You’re awesome bro! Do the world a favour and keep the amusement going.

CHEERS TO THAT

By Yolanda Mabanga

There is nothing more amusing than the effects of alcohol.  The personality shifts I’ve witnessed before and after intoxication are astounding.  I mean what happened to just being on a natural high as it was intended from the start?  More and more individuals are exposing themselves to alcohol and even more outrageous personalities are unleashed.  People really do spontaneous things out here, things they wouldn’t dare entertain if sober.  I guess that’s the irony of it all. 

I have witnessed friends jump out windows, hurl at random even preach without the slightest memory of it all in the morning; then the typical occurrence of the occasional hangover that portrays the intention of demolishing ones soul. Alcohol is really on a league on its own I must say.

What I can establish from this is that people love their “extrovert” personalities.  If that was not the case then they wouldn’t be entertaining such, right?  It’s these unfamiliar personalities that people find amusing, which gives them the drive to speak about them the next day.  I would assume if no effects were witnessed, life would be utterly boring.

I respect it though; it really does have an underlying force, a power. I’m still yet to live and witness more dramatic stories so let the unpredictable good times roll.